Frustration

I am sure that you will know what I am talking about when I mention ultimate frustration. That feeling where you are so frustrated at a particular instance that you cannot let go of it, you keep replaying what happened in your mind over and over again, trying to figure out what you could have done differently.

Well I had one of those moments. It occurred over Thanksgiving break when I went hunting with my uncle Russell, and I missed when I shot at a deer.

I know, this seems like a small thing, but for me it was really, truly frustrating for I have never killed a deer and this was in fact the first time that I shot at one. So to miss, for me it invalidated all that I had tried to do while I was out there.

And now for the past few days I have done nothing except replay the moments before I pulled the trigger and have just wondered the entire time what I could have done differently to hit the deer.

And now, as I have thought about this for several days, I realize that frustration is not a bad thing if we allow ourselves to grow from that frustration. In other words, because I missed the deer, I can learn from the things that I did the last time and will use that the next time I have a shot at a deer.

In greater circumstances, we need to take the frustrations that we feel and know that the true reason for the frustration that we feel is to grow. I would imagine Adam and Eve were pretty frustrated when they were kicked out of Eden, but I bet they used the experiences that they gained and used that to better themselves.

But the key thing to frustrations is that we cannot fall into the hole of ignorance, which leads us to become more frustrated when we realize that we did not learn anything from previous experiences. Trust me, I know that there have been plenty of times when I became greatly frustrated and didn't learn anything from the experience, and as a result I just became even more frustrated.

I guess that the main reason we become frustrated is because we realize in our frustration that we were ignorant in the past. Follow me here, but I think that the reason we become frustrated in certain situations is that we think that we can do something yet are ignorant to the fact that we cannot.

I am not trying to say that frustration is all bad, which I realize I haven't because the entire first part of this post is about the positives of frustration.

And there you go. I am frustrated at my lack of focus on how my post is shaping up.

Thanksgiving

So, it is that time of year again. The time of year when we are supposed to be thankful for all the things that we have in this life, both material and not. So with that in mind, I decided with this post to list the things that I am thankful for. Let me preface this by saying that these are no particular order, so if you think something should be higher that something else, know that I am just listing things as they come to mind. So, here goes.

I am thankful for...

My loving family, all my friends new and old, Thrice, the Bible, my education, my opportunities, my ambitions, my faith, Diet Dew, my mentors, my teachers both at and out of school, Fifa 08, my vehicle, my job, my apartment, the guys I live with, Facebook, Google Translator, my hobbies, my shortcomings, my passions, the Carolina Hurricanes, and last but certainly not least, God the Father and His son Jesus Christ for the salvation that is present on this Earth.

So, wow, I guess that random mix comes from when you try to do a stream of consciousness writing on what you are thankful for. Anyway...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Education

So here is the deal. Ever had THAT teacher?

You know, the one who is ridiculously easy, allows for input on everything, doesn't really seem to care about grading, even misses a few classes?

Yeah, I have one of those right now, and it is both a blessing and a curse.

First of all, I love it because it enables me to pretty much not worry about what will be going on in that class.

However, I hate it because I am not learning anything, which completely defeats the purpose of taking the class.

As with most things, I am about to turn this into a greater lesson for me, in terms of both faith and life.

For me, this idea of a "good teacher" and a "bad teacher" grows further out than just simply a Spanish class or a sermon. It stems from the fact that a teacher should allow for the examination of one's self, which leads to not only gaining knowledge but also the ability to grow personally as a result of the gaining of knowledge.

I hold my teachers, be they Communication professors or Bible Study instructors, to a standard that if I am only gaining knowledge, then I am not truly learning. Like I said, it is the ability for me to grow personally as a result of the knowledge gained that makes me denote a teacher as good or bad.

I know, I have high standards, but if I didn't have high standards I would be at North Carolina State University.

Holding my teachers to this standard is vital to me as it forces me to realize that I have only had a handful of truly "good" teachers. And, on the flipside, I have had plenty of bad ones.

While I have, as I said above, one bad teacher right now, I am very thankful that at the same time I also have two very good teachers. One of the teachers may not be the best for my gaining of knowledge, but I have achieved much personal growth in his class. The other teacher has helped me to gain much spiritual growth.

Ah teachers, they sure are great.

Talking

There are a lot of things that I wonder about, and the interactions that I have between me and my parents are especially interesting to me.

On the one hand I want them to know who I am and how I feel and I want to listen to them, but at the same time I want to keep them at an arms length, not letting them become to involved in my life while not letting them have too great an influence on my life.

One of the key examples comes from the conversations that have occurred between my parents and myself in regards to the reasons for their divorce.

Many times that I talk with my parents, they will attempt to tell me the reasons they got divorced, and my response is always "I don't want to know."

My excuse to this is that if I know how the divorce occurred, then I would side with one parent more than I would with the other.

And pardon the language, but I know in my mind that that is utter bullspit.

I know that the true reason I don't want to know is that I am afraid to know.

I am afraid to have the status quo that currently exists between my parents and I change as it would force us to examine our relationships and then work to keep them the way that they have been.

And that scares me.

I have come so far as a person since the divorce occurred and I am a much stronger person than I used to be, however I feel that if I were to discover the true reasons then the growth that I have had will be null as I will have to continue to have to try to keep growing.

And I know that I sound lazy in these sentiments, but if you were to truly know what I went through over a period of four years, then you will understand the fact that this is not laziness speaking.

I have the reputation of cutting corners, not doing everything that is necessary, just doing what is necessary to get by.

However, in this situation, I tell you that I do not want to undergo this because I know that if I did, it would not be good for me in the long run.

Relationships

So, you ever listen to something or watch something and come to realize that it has more of a meaning to it than what you originally thought?

I love it when that happens. I really do. It is like coming to know something even better because you are able to read deeper into it.

Now how about when you come to that realization and it is about a person? That is even better, because it seems to form a bond that you did not realize was there.

Well, in my life, it is annoying because there are some people where I feel like I have reached that point with them, but then they say or do something and it leads me to question just how well i thought I knew that person.

Honestly, it drives me crazy to think that I don't know a person as well as I thought I did. Here I am, trying to be a good friend, supportive, caring, questioning, yet the person that I am trying to get to know better does not seem to want to have anything to do with this.

AHHHHHH!

It just drives me crazy sometimes because I think that this person knows that I am meaning well, but I just can't do anything about it.

Oh well, maybe it is just me seeming like a nosy, cocky person who needs to back off. Or maybe I just really don't know this person as well as I would like.

Relationships are a tough thing, be they between me and friends, me and classmates, me and anybody. I really think sometime that yes, I am a good person to get along with, but at the same time I don't seem to be a person that people like to confide in.

And that drives me insane. Ever since my parent's split, I have attempted to make myself available for others when they are in need of expressing feelings, yet not many people like to take me up on these offerings.

Maybe I should just accept the fact that I may not be "that person," meaning the one that people turn to when they have problems.

Or better, maybe I should attempt to adjust my communication tactics and further try to open myself to my friends.

Only time will tell...